marriage bed symbol

marriage bed symbol

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Wendy Watson-Nelson's Four Tips for Great Marriage - Commentary - Truth #2

 In case you missed it, click here to view part 1

Truth #2:  Personal purity is the key to true love.

The more pure your thoughts and feelings, your words and actions, the greater your capacity to give and receive true love.

The first thought that came to my mind when I heard this was, ‘What kind of love is she talking about? Which of the seven different kinds of love is she referring to?’

On the surface, it sounds like she’s specifically referring to eros and/or mania in this talk, but it truly follows that all the forms of love improve in quality as we improve our personal purity.

If you’d like more clarity on this perspective and what different kinds of love exist, the first of my series of articles is here: (Love = Love? Which Kind of Love?)

… every time you pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father in prayer, and then listen…every time you study the scriptures seeking answers to the questions of your heart…every time you avoid anything that would wound your spirit, such as pornography…every time you worship in the temple…every time you find an ancestor’s ordinance-qualifying information…you are choosing to increase your personal purity.

She refers to pornography here. I prefer to use the term ‘profane erotica’ because it’s more specific, but considering her audience, pornography will be the more widely-used term to most people right now.

Your future spouse will thank you, because in that very moment, you will be preparing for true marital intimacy.

So if you’re single, and wonder how best to prepare for true love, the answer is, do whatever it takes to keep your thoughts, feelings, words and actions pure. Invite the Spirit to guide you; He will help you. And if you’re married, my counsel is exactly the same.

She couldn’t be more right here – I resound with and second this thought. Sometimes singles may feel that maintaining their virtue, and thus coming into marriage without any sexual experience, is a disadvantage.

To me, and from my experience and research, nothing could be further from the truth. From an eternal perspective, it’s a huge advantage to stay pure before marriage.

The best thing any single member of the Church can possibly do to prepare for the best possible sex is to live the gospel to the very best of their ability, and then they as a couple can learn about sexuality together.

Any sexual knowledge we bring to our marriage should not include active experimentation until we have a spouse to experiment with, because no two people are alike. Whatever we learn sexually with one person, as far as likes and dislikes, we must learn all over again with the person we finally marry.

All we need before then is a basic knowledge of anatomy, the temporal and spiritual consequences of sex outside of marriage and perhaps some knowledge of limerance. They need to know what it is, and how to handle it, and to focus on living the gospel and being obedient to the Lord. We really don’t need much more than that.

As you work to become more pure, you will have the Holy Ghost with you more and more. Your ability to receive personal revelation will increase, which means you’ll have clearer direction for your life.

You’ll feel more at peace, and have more joy. Less lonely, and more hopeful about your future. You’ll also have increased mental clarity as you study and work, and, in addition to these great rewards for working every day to be just a little more pure, you’ll be increasing your ability to experience true marital intimacy.

This is why pornography is so devastating. Contrary to what all of its promoters claim, pornography will actually prevent you from experiencing the most marvelous kind of intimacy.

If you haven’t already, I really hope you will take the time to read my article about profane erotica (link here). Even the word ‘pornography’ is such a devil’s snare as a term. It’s a secular term that’s best avoided whenever possible.

Any marriage therapist who tries to prescribe profane erotic materials to solve the short-term problem of low libido has no idea what they’re doing, or the long-term consequences involved in doing that.

Profane erotica is a great way to make us horrible lovers to our spouses. It promotes the body’s control of the spirit, instead of the other way around. It leads to spiritual death and all its attendant consequences and it makes us unworthy to hold the priesthood and attend the temple. Everyone involved in it, from the viewer and their families and friends, to the actors and producers, to the society at large, is in some way twisted or harmed or feels the  negative effects of its influence. It’s not just X-rated movies anymore. Every movie, every song, every magazine and novel, even children’s shows today show the effects of those who are influenced by profane erotica. It should be avoided under any circumstances, married or single, just as the General Authorities say.

Having said all that, I want to emphasize that the acts performed in profane erotica – many, if not most of them, are in and of themselves holy and sacred. Those who are involved are defiling something that is sacred, but their actions do not change the sacredness of sex. Those will always be sacred. Context is everything here.

Stay tuned for part#3

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