This is a summarized version of an article I wanted to share with you. Feel free to leave comments below.
"Are men less loving because they equate love with sex?...the fault lies not in men, but in women's definitions of "loving", which ignore masculine styles of showing affection.
Francesca Cancian (1990: 171) calls excluding men's ways of showing affection the "feminization of love." Because...men rarely get credit for the kinds of loving actions that are more typical of them. - Carol Tavris (1992:255)
...a man who is a good provider, who changes the oil in his wife's car, or who fixes his child's bike is showing just as much love as the wife who tells her husband she loves him and shares her innermost thoughts and feelings with him.
There are several negative consequences of the feminization of love:
1. It assumes that women need love more than men and are more dependent on men for emotional satisfaction.
2. Emphasizing only the expressive side of love ignores or diminishes the importance of women's instrumental activities - such as working to help provide financially for the family.
3. The feminization of love intensifies the conflicts over intimacy between men and women. As the wife demands more verbal contact, the husband feels increased pressure and withdraws.
The wife then intensifies her efforts to get closer. This leads to a vicious cycle where neither spouse gets what she or he wants.
As the definition of love becomes more feminized, men and women move father apart rather than closer together. - Tucker (1992)
One way to break this cycle is to give both men and women credit for the things they do to show their love for each other and for their families.
~ From "Do I love you? I changed your oil, didn't I", taken from Marriages and Families, Benokraitis (2005, 155)
Friday, June 19, 2015
We've been getting a lot of rain this year, but that doesn't have to ruin your date night as a married couple.
When was the last time you put on your rain hat and rubber boots to splash in the puddles like kids?
The next continue-the-courtship night it rains, you can take the opportunity to do just that as a couple.
Distract the children, and then go out back or front and splash around. Look for worms. Make some mud pies. Tell each other stories of how you used to spend your rainy days as a child. Get as wet or muddy as you want.
You could also grab a large umbrella and be alone in the rain together.
When your finished, dry each other off, or take a hot bath or shower together.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Ready for another fun continue-the-courtship night? Well, who say's it has to be at night?
Rather than putting the kids to bed early, try getting up before they do. Sure, date night can be in the morning too! Make breakfast in bed and have breakfast together. It can be as complicated or as simple as you want.
Eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, danishes, orange juice, health shakes, juicing, bagels and smoked salmon, oatmeal, fruit salad, cold pizza, crepes, or just a bowl of cold cereal. The possibilities are endless.
Eat together in your jammies, sexy lingerie, or naked - whatever you want! You're married!
While you eat, you could play the romantic rendezvous game, or ask each other questions from the 365 questions for couples book, or read scriptures, or go through your gospel doctrine study guide together.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
The Church's Handbook of Instruction was updated recently. I wanted to take the opportunity to demonstrate a substitution I believe gives greater clarity. You be the judge:
The Church opposes pornography in any form. Indulgence in pornography damages individual lives, families, and society. Such indulgence drives away the Spirit of the Lord. Church members should avoid all forms of pornographic material and oppose its production, dissemination, and use.
The booklet Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts provides counsel on how to avoid and overcome problems with pornography."
~ Handbook of instruction 2 (21.4.9)
The Church opposes profane erotic material in any form. Indulgence in profane erotica damages individual lives, families, and society. Such indulgence drives away the Spirit of the Lord. Church members should avoid all forms of profane erotic material and oppose its production, dissemination, and use.
The booklet Let Virtue Garnish Thy Thoughts provides counsel on how to avoid and overcome problems with profane erotica.
For more information on why I prefer to use the term "profane erotica", go to this link: Mormons take pleasure in sacred erotica