marriage bed symbol

marriage bed symbol

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

A Reader Asks, "Don't Erotic Words Offend The Spirit?"

Chris asked...
“I think that's kind of odd to talk about erotic words that do not offend the Spirit. I just wonder what words would have an erotic meaning and not offending the Spirit?”

Coach Sam said...
Great question Chris, and thank you for reading.

When speaking or referring to erotic or sexual words, I try to think of it in the same context as the name of God or our Savior Jesus Christ.

Their names are sacred. That doesn't mean their names can't be spoken ever and if we do it will offend them and the Holy Ghost. If we speak their names in the right context and with reverence,  not only does it not offend the Spirit, but allows Him to testify of them.

I feel the same is true for sexual or erotic words. The Spirit is only offended when we use them in an irreverent or defiling (profane) manner. 

You may have heard the phrase "talk dirty to me." This concept comes  from a rebellion against the old religious idea that sex is evil, sinful and dirty (even in marriage) and the only way we can enjoy it is if we give into sin. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints rejects this idea. We teach that sex is holy and sacred and meant to be enjoyed, but only within the institution of marriage and only between a husband and wife. 

This keeps it sacred and creates a paradox for the need to be sexually "dirty" or "nasty" as the only way it can be enjoyed. God wants us to have sex and enjoy it.  President Spencer W. Kimball taught "There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love." ~ Eternal Marriage Student Manual (2003,139)

Using an erotic term to arouse your spouse, or communicate with them what you want or need is a reverent use of those words and shouldn't offend the Spirit. These include a sexual act or sexual part of the body.

However, discuss with your spouse what words and terms are erotic for them. In the culture your spouse grew up in, there may have been sexual words that were designed to be offensive, and their use may offend them and their ability to feel the Spirit - because of the intent of the heart.

On the other hand,  a term may be offensive to your spouse, but not to you. Let them know what it means to you and that it's the only word you can think of to clearly communicate what you want or need in your sexual relationship.

Also let them know that you will use it reverently and in the correct context. When this is agreed upon, it needs to be understood that these terms will be kept sacred by only using them in the private, intimate moments that you two share alone.

Who knows, your spouse may already have a term that better communicates to them what you are trying to achieve.

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