marriage bed symbol

marriage bed symbol

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I'd Like To Hear From You

Hello everyone!

I hope you have enjoyed what you have read so far and found it helpful.

Some of my readers may not be aware that there is a "comments" link at the bottom of each article.

Feel free to leave your thoughts, comments, concerns, or any insights you'd like to add.

Also feel free to email me any questions you don't want to be made public at

Thank you for reading and allowing me to help you have a happy and healthy marriage.

Sam Zaragoza
LDS Marriage and Family Coach


Anonymous said...

I was turned to your site by Laura Brotherson who posted a link on facebook. I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog and appreciate hard work you put into every post.

Thank you for also making your posts more gospel centered than some other LDS-Themed marriage blogs out there. There have been some that I felt digressed when it came to particulars of a sexual relationship within marriage and lost the spirit in the process.

Jewels98 said...

Hi Sam, Just wanted to say thanks for this blog! I found it looking through "The Marry Blogger" Marriage Blog Finalists.
I find it refreshing the way you discuss marriage intimacy directly yet respectfully. It's good to know there's an internet source that provides a safe, positive way to gain insight and information on this topic!

CoachSam said...

You're welcome Jewels98. I'm excited that you found this blog helpful. I hope you will feel comfortable telling your friends and stay tuned. I've got more exciting information to bring about how wonderful marriages can be. :0)

Anonymous said...

A week or so ago, you posted this quote from the out of print "Achieving a Celestial Marriage" manual:
"We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage.

There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose.

This is an urge which more insistently than others calls for self-control and intelligence."

~ Brown, Achieving A Celestial Marriage, p.218

Brown (is this Victor L or Hugh B or some other Brown?) says there is no excuse for approaching sexuality in marriage without a true knowledge of its purpose and meaning. That may be true, but I still believe that I approached marriage without such a knowledge, and I want to suggest that part of that is because no one taught me the true purposes and meanings of sex in marriage. Perhaps as a post idea -- if you had to explain the purposes and meaning of sex in marriage so that someone would know the truth about it, what would you teach them?

CoachSam said...

Thank you Anon Mar. 29th and thank you for reading.

I think that would be a great idea for an article and accept your challenge. This should be a fun one to put together.

However, your comment suggests to me that you may have something more specific about sex that has been on your mind.

Feel free to contact me personally if you would like to discuss. I can be contacted at

CoachSam said...

Dear Anon Mar. 29,

I apologize. One point I forgot to answer.

You are correct, Achieving a Celestial Marriage (while still a church publication) is out of print. It was the only copy left in our chapel library and the Bishop gave it to me as a gift. It is full of many wonderful treasures from older general authorities - which is why I love to use it.

Many of their quotes and sayings affect us culturally and how our parents raised and taught us about sex and sexuality.

I feel it's important to know not just what they said, but also what they meant. Many misconceptions about sex were taught to us as youth because what these general authorities said were misquoted or misinterpreted.

I appreciate your willingness to not take what I said for granted and to seek out the source.

The quote is from Hugh B. Brown and can also be found in his book "You and Your Marriage" pg. 75

Thank you for asking.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for taking up the challenge, I look forward to the result.

Is there something more specific on my mind? Well, I'm sure we all filter these kind of things through our own experience. My experience that colors how I see these kind of statements is that of a lifelong member of the LDS church who is struggling in a sexless marriage, but I don't want this undertaking to be about me.

Romel Mackelprang, in an article he wrote for Dialogue (Vol 25 p 51: ) observed that "My LDS clients' sexual problems seem to be no more severe or pervasive than those of members of other religions or of those who profess no religious affiliation. However, when sexual problems occur, religious issues are more likely to be a factor for LDS clients than for any others." Statistics for the US suggest that 15-20% of marriages are clinically sexless (<10x per year) and that more still are struggling in low sex marriages. Pres. Kimball once claimed that sexual disagreement was the "root" cause of a majority of divorces. It seems to me that, in spite of Elder Brown's claim that there should be no excuse for misunderstanding the meaning and purpose of the sexual relationship, there seem to be a high percetnage of us who either misunderstand or misapply that understanding to our own marriages. It just seems to me that we are somehow missing something in our sexual education, and maybe this kind of an undertaking will be a positive contribution to the LDS dialogue around sexuality.

CoachSam said...

Dear Anon Apr. 4,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. What you are experiencing must be very frustrating.

I am very familiar with Pres. Kimball's quote about sexual disagreements being the cause of a majority of the divorce requests that came across his desk.

It is the reason I'm pursuing this field as a career.

In my research I was excited to learn how sex-positive the General Authorities actually are, but because sexuality is sacred and they are speaking to a "general" audience, I imagine it must be difficult for them to be frank about sexuality while being reverent about the topic. This tended to lead to a lot of "if you know what I mean" kinds phrases in their talks that just made things more confusing.

Sexless marriage is a condition no one should have to live with, and is not what God intended for anyone's marriage.

Have you had the opportunity to read my article "Sexless Marriage and the Sacrament"?

If not, here is a link to it

While I'm writing the article, I'm hoping the sexless marriage article will address some of the concerns you and your spouse may be having.

I also have some other wonderful resources that you may also find helpful.

Please let me know.